Muppet Story (LegalizeAnythingMuppets Style)
LegalizeAnythingMuppets's movie-spoof of the "Toy Story" film series. Cast:No Editing Allowed! BertPortrait.jpg|Bert says Reach for the Sky ErnieFullFigure-NEW.jpg|Ernie says To infinity... and beyond! You are a muppet by averagejoeartwork-d3fzd7n.jpg|Bert yells at Ernie YOU ARE A MUPPET!!!! *Woody - Bert (Sesame Street) *Buzz Lightyear - Ernie (Sesame Street) *Mr. Potato Head - Shrek *Mrs. Potato Head - Princess Fiona (Shrek) *Slinky Dog - Marty The Zerbra (Madagascar) *Rex - Big Bird (Sesame Street) *Hamm - Pig (Back At The Barnyard) *Bo Peep - Prairie Dawn (Sesame Street) *Sarge - Chief O'Hara (Mickey Mouse) *Sarge's Soldiers - The Police Officer Army from "Officer Duck" (Mickey Mouse) *Andy Davis - Christopher Robin (Winnie the Pooh) *Baby Molly - Maggie Simpson (The Simpsons) *Mrs. Davis - Wendy Darling (Peter Pan) *Sid - Pete (Mickey Mouse) *Hannah - Penny (The Rescuers) *Scud - Butch the Bulldog (Mickey Mouse) *RC - Bagheera (The Jungle Book) *Lenny - Oh (Home) *Mr. Shark - Mortimer Mouse (Mickey Mouse) *Snake - Kaa (The Jungle Book) *Robot - Donald Duck (Mickey Mouse) *Troll Dolls - Penguins (The Muppets/Sesame Street) *Etch - Edd (Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy) *Mr. Spell - Grover (Sesame Street) *Rocky Gibraltar - Kent Powers (Quack Pack) *Janie/Pterodactyl - June (Little Einsteins)/Elmo (Sesame Street) *Babyface - Thumper (Bambi) *Legs - Heather (Total Drama) *Hand-in-the-Box - Mordecai (Regular Show) *Rollerbob - Robin Hood *Frog - Kermit the Frog (The Muppets) *Jingle Joe - Iago (Aladdin) *Ducky - Daffy Duck (Looney Tunes) *Rockmobile - Little John (Robin Hood) *Walking Car - Bambi (Bambi) *Burned Ragdoll - Skippy (Robin Hood) *Huge Red Pickup Truck Toy - Colonel Hathi (The Jungle Book) *Yellow Soldier Toys - Brer Fox and Brer Bear (Song of the South) *Sally Doll - Polly Poo Poo (Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy) *Green Squeeze Alien Toys - Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes), Pebbles Flintstone and Bamm-Bamm Rubble (The Flintstones) *Combat Carl - Sonic the Hedgehog (The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog) *Buster - Odie (Garfield) *Emperor Zurg - Contantine (Muppets Most Wanted) *Wheezy - Flounder (The Little Mermaid) *Al McWhiggin - Abis Mal (The Return of Jafar) *Bullseye - Pluto (Mickey Mouse) *Jessie - Stella (Winx Club) *Stinky Pete the Prospector - Elmer Fudd (Looney Tunes) *Geri the Cleaner - Geppetto (Pinocchio) *Utility Belt Buzz - Baloo (The Jungle Book) *Barbie - Minnie Mouse (Mickey Mouse) *Emily - Tinker Bell (Peter Pan) *Amy - Emmy (Dragon Tales) *Lots-O'-Huggin Bear - Hunter (Storks) *Ken Carson - Mickey Mouse (Mickey Mouse) *Big Baby - Jimmy (Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy) *Stretch - Dr. Ivo Robotnik (The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog) *Twitch - Scratch (The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog) *Chunk - Grounder (The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog) *Sparks - Coconuts (The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog) *Cymbal Baning Monkey - Sir Hiss (Robin Hood) *Bookworm - Jiminy Cricket (Pinocchio) *Chatter Telephone - Uncle Max (The Lion King 1/2) *Daisy - Alice (Alice in Wonderland) *Teenage Andy Davis - Jon Arbuckle (Garfield) *Young Molly - Jane Darling (Return to Never Land) *Lotso's Replacement - Tigger (Winnie the Pooh) *Jack-In-The-Box - Kanga and Roo (Winnie the Pooh) *Trixie - Nazz (Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy) *Dolly - Clarabelle Cow (Mickey Mouse) *Buttercup - Bob The Tomato (VeggieTales) *Mr. Pricklepants - Sid (Ice Age) *Chuckles the Clown - Grumpy (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) *Peas-in-a-Pod - Millie and Melody Mouse (Minnie's Bow-Toons) and Max Goof (Mickey Mouse) *Bonnie - Elionwy (The Black Cauldron) *Bonnie's Mom - Adult Wendy Darling (Return to Never Land) *Broken Toy Train as Himself Muppet Story 1 Scenes *Muppet Story Part 1 - Opening (You've Got a Friend in Me") *Muppet Story Part 2 - The Coast is Clear/The Staff Meeting *Muppet Story Part 3 - "Mr. Policeman (Kidsongs Version)" *Muppet Story Part 4 - Ernie the Space Ranger *Muppet Story Part 5 - "Strange Things" *Muppet Story Part 6 - Bert and Ernie Fight/Sid (Pete) *Muppet Story Part 7 - Who Will Andy (Christopher Robin) Pick? *Muppet Story Part 8 - Lost at the Gas Staion *Muppet Story Part 9 - Going Inside Pizza Planet *Muppet Story Part 10 - Ernie Meet the Yogi's Gang *Muppet Story Part 11 - At Sid's (Human Chip) House *Muppet Story Part 12 - Playtime with Sid (Pete) *Muppet Story Part 13 - "I Will Go Sailing No More" *Muppet Story Part 14 - Ernie's Body Bandage *Muppet Story Part 15 - Sid's (Pete) Window to Andy's (Christopher Robin's) Window *Muppet Story Part 16 - The Big One *Muppet Story Part 17 - Ernie I Can't Do This Without You' *Muppet Story Part 18 - Bert Ask For Help *Muppet Story Part 19 - 'Play Nice!' *Muppet Story Part 20 - A Chase *Muppet Story Part 21 - Rocket Power *Muppet Story Part 22 - Christmas In Andy's (Christopher Robin's) House *Muppet Story Part 23 - End Credits Muppet Story 2 Scenes: *Muppet Story 2 Part 1 - Opening Credits/Ernie's Mission *Muppet Story 2 Part 2 - Bert's Lost Hat/It's Odie! *Muppet Story 2 Part 3 - Bert's Shirtsleeve Ripped *Muppet Story 2 Part 4 - Bert Meets Flounder/Bertnapped by Abis Mal *Muppet Story 2 Part 5 - Abis Mal's Plan *Muppet Story 2 Part 6 - The Roundup Gang *Muppet Story 2 Part 7 - "Bert's Roundup" *Muppet Story 2 Part 8 - Bert Nearly Loses His Ripped Shirt *Muppet Story 2 Part 9 - Crossing the Road *Muppet Story 2 Part 10 - Arrival of Geppetto/At Abis Mal's Muppet Barn *Muppet Story 2 Part 11 - Muppet Switch/The Minnie Mouse Stores *Muppet Story 2 Part 12 - Abis Mal's Plan *Muppet Story 2 Part 13 - Stella's Story/("When She Loved Me") *Muppet Story 2 Part 14 - Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Two-Headed Monster *Muppet Story 2 Part 15 - Into the Vents *Muppet Story 2 Part 16 - To the Rescue!/Bert Stays *Muppet Story 2 Part 17 - Battle with Pete *Muppet Story 2 Part 18 - Abis Mal On Horse *Muppet Story 2 Part 19 - Bert Vs. The Goatman/Saving Jessie *Muppet Story 2 Part 20 - Welcome Home *Muppet Story 2 Part 21 - End Credits *Muppet Story 2 Outtakes Muppet Story 3 Scenes: *Muppet Story 3 Part 1 - Western Adventure/Opening Credits *Muppet Story 3 Part 2 - Andy Grown Up (aka Jon Arbuckle) *Muppet Story 3 Part 3 - College Packing/Thrown Away *Muppet Story 3 Part 4 - The Wheels on the Bus/Going to Sunnyside (Disney Parks) *Muppet Story 3 Part 5 - Disney Parks Welcome *Muppet Story 3 Part 6 - Bert Leaves/Rough Play *Muppet Story 3 Part 7 - Playtime with Bonnie (Elionwy) *Muppet Story 3 Part 8 - Trying to Escape/The Gambling Den *Muppet Story 3 Part 9 - The Grinch's Offer *Muppet Story 3 Part 10 - I See Andy (Jon Arbuckle)/Locked Up *Muppet Story 3 Part 11 - Grumpy's Story of The Grinch *Muppet Story 3 Part 12 - "The Spirit of God"/Daybreak *Muppet Story 3 Part 13 - Bert's Advice from a Meerkat *Muppet Story 3 Part 14 - Reunited/Prison Break *Muppet Story 3 Part 15 - Mickey's Closet/'Prison Riot!' *Muppet Story 3 Part 16 - Spanish Ernie *Muppet Story 3 Part 17 - Caught/The Garbage Truck *Muppet Story 3 Part 18 - The Dump/End of the Line *Muppet Story 3 Part 19 - Safe and Sound/Back Home *Muppet Story 3 Part 20 - Goodbye, Andy (Jon Arbuckle) *Muppet Story 3 Part 21 - "We Belong Together"/ "Hay Un Amigo En Mi"/End Credits *Muppet Story 3 Part 22 - End Credits (Part 2) Quotes *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: And according to my navi-computer, the-- *Bert/Woody: Shut up! Just, shut up, you idiot! *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Bert, this is no time to panic. *Bert/Woody: This is a perfect time to panic! I'm lost, Christopher Robin is gone, they're gonna move to their new house in two days, AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Mine My fault? If you hadn't pushed me out of the window in the first place... *Bert/Woody: Oh yeah? Well, if you hadn't shown up with your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me... *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Don't talk to me about importance! Because of *you*, the future of this entire universe is in jeopardy! *Bert/Woody: WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Pete has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet! I alone have information that reveals this weapon's only weakness. And *you*, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command! *Bert/Woody: YOU! ARE! A! MUPPETTTTT! You aren't the real Ernie! You're a - you're an Muppet action figure! You are a child's Muppet play thing! *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: You are a sad, strange little Muppet man, and you have my pity. Farewell. *Bert/Woody: Oh, yeah? Well, good riddance, ya loony! *Boober Fraggle/Rex: What if Christopher Robin gets another Fraggle? A mean one? I just don't think I can take that kind of rejection! *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Hey, a laser! How come *you* don't have a laser, Bert? *Bert/Woody: It's not a laser! It's a... [Sighs It's a little light bulb that blinks. *Big Bird/Hamm: What's with him? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Laser envy. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Hey, Big Bird. Look, I'm Picasso! *Big Bird/Hamm: I don't get it. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: You uncultured bird! What're you lookin' at, ya hockey puck? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Of course Bert ain't worried. He's been Christopher Robin's favorite *since kindergarten. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Did you all take stupid pills this morning? Have you forgotten what he did to Ernie? *Bert/Woody: Tuesday night's plastic corrosion awareness meeting, was I think, a big success. We'd like to thank Grover for putting that on for us. Thank you Grover. *Grover/Mr. Spell: You're. Welcome. *Bert/Woody: All right, that's enough! Look, we're all very impressed with Christopher Robin's new Muppet. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Muppet? *Bert/Woody: M-U-P-P-E-T, Muppet! *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Excuse me, I think the word you're searching for is "Space Ranger". *Bert/Woody: The word I'm searching for I can't say because there's Muppet toys present. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet. *Bert/Woody: Oh. Well, that's good. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: But we're not on my planet, are we? *Bert/Woody: No. Daaaah-oof! Okay, come on. You want a piece of me? *Bert/Woody: Ow! *Bert/Woody: What chance does a Muppet like me have against a Ernie action figure? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Oh, really? I'm from Sesame Street. *Boober Fraggle/Rex: And I'm from Fraggle Rock. Well, I'm not really from Fraggle Rock, I'm actually from The Jim Henson Company that created Fraggle Rock for the Canadian border. *Chief O'Hara/Sarge: Maggie's first present is... Grundgetta! Repeat, Grundgetta! *Big Bird/Hamm: Way to go, Oscar! *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Gee, I'd better shave! *Bert/Woody: I think you've had enough tea for today, let's get you outta here, Ernie. *Ernie/Buzz: What's going on? *Bert/Woody: Nothing that concerns you Muppet space man, just us Muppets. *Ernie/Buzz: I'd better have a look anyway. Why is that soldier strapped to an explosive device? *Bert/Woody: That's why. Human Chip. *Ernie/Buzz: Sure is a hairy fella... *Bert/Woody: No, no, that's Butch, you idiot. That is Human Chip. *Ernie/Buzz: Chip/Sid is laughing maniacally You mean that happy child? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: That ain't no happy child! *Boober Fraggle/Rex: He tortures Muppets just for fun! *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Hey, everyone! Bagheera is trying to say something! What is it, boy? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Saying that this was no accident. *Prairie Dawn/Bo Peep: What do you mean? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: I mean Humpty Dumpty was pushed no by Bert! *Bert/Woody: Wait a minute. You don't think I meant to knock Ernie out of the window, do you, Oscar the Grouch? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: That's *Mister* Oscar the Grouch to you, you back stabbing murderer! *Bert/Woody: Now, guys, it was an accident. C'mon, you-you've gotta believe me. *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: We believe you, Bert. Right, Boober? *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Well, I mean I don't like confrontations! *Chief O'Hara/Sarge: Where is your honor, dirtbag? You're an absolute disgrace! You don't deserve to Hey! *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Couldn't handle Ernie cutting time on your playtime, could you, Bert? Didn't want to face the fact that Ernie just might be Christopher Robin's new favorite Muppet. So you got rid of him. But what if Christopher Robin start playing with me more, Bert, huh? You're gonna knock me out of the window too? *Big Bird/Hamm: I don't think we should give him a chance. *Chief O'Hara/Sarge: There he is, men! Grab him! *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Let's string him up by his pullstring. *Big Bird/Hamm: I'll get the hat! *Prairie Dawn/Bo Peep: Will you guys just stop it? *Bert/Woody: No wait, please! I can explain everything! *Christopher Robin/Andy: Hey, mom! Be right there. I gotta go get Ernie. *Bert/Woody: "Rendezvous with Star Command." Pizza Planet? Christopher Robin! Oh, no! I can't show my face in that room without Ernie. Ernie! Ernie, come back! *Ernie/Buzz: Go away! *Bert/Woody: No! Ernie, you gotta come back! I... I found a spaceship! It's a spaceship, Ernie! *Ernie/Buzz: Now, you're sure this space freighter will return to its point of origin once it jettisons its food supply? *Bert/Woody: Uh-huh. And when we get there, we'll find a way to transport you home. *Ernie/Buzz: Well, then, let's climb aboard. *Bert/Woody: No, no, no, wait, Ernie! Ernie! Let's get in the back. No one will see us there. *Ernie/Buzz: Negative. There are no restraining harnesses in the cargo area. We'll be much safer in the cockpit. *Bert/Woody: whispering Yeah, bu... Ernie! Ernie! Ernie! It's safer in the cockpit than the cargo bay. What an idiot. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Ha, ha. B-3. *Big Bird/Hamm: Miss. G-6. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Aw, you sunk it! Bird/Hamm chuckles Are you peeking? *Big Bird/Hamm: Oh, quit your whining and pay up. No, no, not the ear. Give me the nose. Come on *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: How about three out of five? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Son of a building block! It's Bert! *Bert/Woody: Hey, Ernie! You're flying! *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: This isn't flying, this is falling with style! *Ernie/Buzz: Terrain seems a bit unstable. No readout yet if the air is breathable. And there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere. *Bert/Woody: Hello! yells. Bert/Woody screams *Bert/Woody: Hey hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did I frighten you? Didn't mean to. Sorry. Howdy. My name... is Bert... and this... is Christopher Robin's room. That's all I wanted to say. And also, there has been a bit of a mix-up. This is my spot, see... the bed here. *Ernie/Buzz: Local law enforcement! It's about time you got here. I'm Ernie, Space Ranger, Universe Protection Unit. My ship has crash-landed here by mistake. *Bert/Woody: Yes, it is a mistake, because, you see, the bed here is my spot. *Ernie/Buzz: I need to repair my turbo boosters. Are you still using fossil fuels, or have you discovered crystallic fusion? *Bert/Woody: Well, let's see, we got double-A's. *Ernie/Buzz: I am Ernie; I come in peace. *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Oh, I'm so glad you're not a Fraggle! *Bert/Woody: It's a special spaceship, I just saw it. *Ernie/Buzz: You mean it has hyperdrive? *Bert/Woody: Hyperactive hyperdrive, and astro, uh, turf. *Bert/Woody: Listen, lightsnack, you stay away from Christopher Robin. He's mine, and no one is taking him away from me. *Ernie/Buzz: What are you talking about? Where's that bonding strip? *Bert/Woody: And another thing, stop with this spaceman thing! It's getting on my nerves. *Ernie/Buzz: Are you saying you want to lodge a complaint with Star Command? *Bert/Woody: Oh-ho O-okay! ooh, well, so you wanna do it the hard way, huh *Ernie/Buzz: Don't even think about it, cowboy. *Bert/Woody: Oh yeah, tough guy? *Bert/Woody: chokes gags *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: It's Human Chip! *Boober Fraggle/Rex: I thought he was at summer camp! *Big Bird/Hamm: They must've kicked him out early this year. *Bert/Woody: Hey, who's got my hat? *Mortimer Mouse/Mr. Shark: Look, I'm Bert! Howdy, howdy, howdy! *Bert/Woody: Ha-ha, ha-ha *Bert/Woody: Gimme that! *Ernie/Buzz: Do you know these life forms? *Bert/Woody: Yes, they're Christopher Robin's Muppets. *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Mr. Ernie, now I'm curious... what does a space ranger actually do? *Bert/Woody: He's not a space ranger! He doesn't fight evil or, or shoot lasers or fly. *Ernie/Buzz: Excuse me. *Ernie/Buzz: exclaim in excitement *Big Bird/Hamm: Wow. Impressive wingspan. Very good. *Bert/Woody: Oh, what? What? These are plastic. He can't fly. *Ernie/Buzz: They are a terillium-carbonic alloy, and I *can* fly. *Bert/Woody: No, you can't. *Ernie/Buzz: scoofs Yes, I can. *Bert/Woody: Can't. *Ernie/Buzz: Can. *Bert/Woody: Can't, can't, ca-an't! *Ernie/Buzz: I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed! *Bert/Woody: Okay, Mr. Lightbeer, prove it. *Ernie/Buzz: All right then, I will. *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Any Fraggle-shaped ones? *Big Bird/Hamm: Oh, for crying out loud, they're all in *boxes, you idiot. *Boober Fraggle/Rex: They're getting bigger... *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: Wait, there's a nice little one over there. *Boober Fraggle/Rex, Big Bird/Hamm, Snuffy/Slinky Dog, Oscar The Grouch/Mr Potato Head Grundgetta/Mrs Potato Head Grover/Mr Spell Zazu/Lenny Bagheera/RC: AAAAAHH! *Bert/Woody: You actually think you're *the* Ernie? Hey, look, everybody! It's the real Ernie! *Ernie/Buzz: You're mocking me, aren't you? *Bert/Woody: Oh no, no no no, no - Ernie look, an alien! *Ernie/Buzz: Where? *Bert/Woody: laughs *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: I knew you were right all along, Bert. Never doubted you for a second. *Bert/Woody: Box Reach for the sky! *Human Chip/Sid Phillips: Huh? *Bert/Woody: This town ain't big enough for the two of us! *Human Chip/Sid Phillips: What? *Bert/Woody: Somebody's poisoned the waterhole! *Human Chip/Sid Phillips: It's busted. *Bert/Woody: Who are you calling busted, Buster? *Human Chip/Sid Phillips: Huh? *Bert/Woody: That's right! I'm talking to you, Human Chip! *Human Chip/Sid Phillips: We don't like bein' blown up, Human Chip. Or smashed, or torn apart. *Human Chip/Sid Phillips: W-we? *Bert/Woody: That's right, your Muppets! *Bert/Woody: From now on, you must take good care of your Muppets, because if you don't, we'll find out, Human Chip! *Bert/Woody: We Muppets can see EVERYTHING! *Bert/Woody: So play nice! *Chip/Sid screams *Boober Fraggle/Rex: ROAR *Bert/Woody: Hey, how ya doin', Boober. *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Were you scared? Tell me honestly. *Bert/Woody: I was close to being scared that time. *Boober Fraggle/Rex: I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it! I'm think I'm just coming off as annoying. *Bert/Woody: Let's get you out of here Ernie... *Ernie/Buzz: Don't you get it? *Ernie/Buzz: You see the hat? I am Mrs. Nesbitt! Ha-ha-ha-ha *Bert/Woody: Snap out of it, Ernie! hysterically *Ernie/Buzz: I-I-I... I'm sorry you're right., I am just a little depressed, that's all. I can get through this. *Ernie/Buzz: Oh, I'm a sham! *Bert/Woody: Ernie, will you get up here and gimme a hand? *Bert/Woody: Ha-ha, ha-ha. That's real funny. This is serious! *Bert/Woody: Ernie? Ernie? You're not worried, are you? *Ernie/Buzz: Me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Are you? *Bert/Woody: Now Ernie, what could Christopher Robin possibly get that is worse than you? *Christopher Robin/Andy: Barking Robin Oh, oh, what is it? What is it? Wow, a puppy! *Bert/Woody, Ernie/Buzz: Heh, heh! *Zazu/Lenny the Binoculars: Hey, look! It's Bert and Ernie, comin' up fast! *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Air! I need air! *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Will you quit moving around? *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Sorry, it's just that I get very nervous before I travel. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: How did I ever get stuck with you as a moving buddy? *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Well, because everyone else has been picked. *Bert/Woody: Help! Ernie! Guys! *The Goatman/Stinky Pete the Prospector: It's too late, Bert! That silly Bernie character can't help you. *Bert/Woody: His name is Ernie! *The Goatman/Stinky Pete the Prospector: Whatever. I've always hated those upstart Sesame Street Muppets. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Can we stop? My feet are killing me. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Is everyone present and accounted for? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Not quite everyone. Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Who's behind? *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: Mine... *Bert/Woody: Look Jessie, I know you hate me for leaving, but I have to go back. I'm still Christopher Robin's Muppet. Well, if you knew him, you'd understand. See, Christopher Robin's... *Jessie: Let me guess. Christopher Robin's a real special kid, and to him, you're his buddy, his best friend, and when Christopher Robin plays with you it's like... even though you're not moving, you feel like you're alive, because that's how he sees you. *Bert/Woody: How did you know that? *Stella/Jessie: Because Tinker Bell was just the same. She was my whole world. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: I say we stack ourselves up, push the intercom and pretend we're delivering a pizza. *Big Bird/Hamm: How about a ham sandwich? With fries and a hotdog? *Boober Fraggle/Rex: What about me? *Big Bird/Hamm: Ah, you can be the toy that comes with the meal. *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: We've been down this aisle already. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: We haven't been down this aisle, it's pink. *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: Face it, we're lost. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: To Abis Mal's Magic Lamp... and beyond. *Abis Mal/Al McWiggin: So, uh, how long is this gonna take? *Geppetto/Geri the Cleaner: Ya can't rush art. *Big Bird/Hamm: Turn into the spin, Minnie! *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: Ernie, Ernie! My backend's going to Baton Rouge! *Bugs Bunny, Pebbles Flintstone and Bamm-Bamm Rubble/Alien toys: You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful. *Grundgetta/Mrs. Potato Head: You saved their lives? My hero! They're so adorable. Let's adopt them! *Bugs Bunny, Pebbles Flintstone and Bamm-Bamm Rubble/Alien toys: Daddy! *The Goatman/Stinky Pete the Prospector: Idiots! Children destroy Muppets. You'll be ruined, forgotten, spending eternity rotting on some landfill. *Bert/Woody: Well, Goatman Pete, I think it's time you learned the true meaning of playtime Right over there guys! *The Goatman/Stinky Pete the Prospector: No, no, No! *Emmy/Amy: Look, Minnie! A big ugly goat-doll! Ooh, he needs a makeover. *Minnie Mouse/Barbie: Hi, you'll like Emmy. *Minnie Mouse/Barbie: She's an artist! *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Bert, stop this nonsense and let's go. *Bert/Woody: Nah, Ernie. sighs *Bert/Woody: I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They need me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Bert, you're not a collector's item, you're a child's Muppet plaything. You are a *Muppet*! *Bert/Woody: For how much longer? One more rip, and Christopher Robin's done with me. And what do I do then, Ernie? Huh? You tell me. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a Muppet who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that Muppet because I believed him. *Bert/Woody: Well, you wasted your time. *Bert/Woody: You're right, Goatman. I can't stop Christopher Robin from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: You still worried? *Bert/Woody: About Christopher Robin? Nah, it will be fun while it lasts. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: I'm proud of you, Bert. *Bert/Woody: Besides, when it all ends I'll have old Ernie to keep me company - for infinity and beyond. *Bert/Woody: I know! It's okay, Ernie. I actually want to go. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: What? Are you crazy? *Bert/Woody: Look, the thing is, I'm this rare "Sheriff Bert" doll, and these guys, are my - round-up gang. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Bert, what are you talking about? *Bert/Woody: What am I talking about? "Bert's Round-Up"! Oh, it's this great old T.V. show, and I was the star. *Bert/Woody: See, look, that's me! *Big Bird/Hamm: This is weirdin' me out. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Where is he going? He's nuts *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: His arm ain't that bad! *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Don't do it, Bert! We love you! *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Bert once risked his life to save mine, and I couldn't call myself his friend if I wasn't willing to do the same. Now who's with me? *Boober Fraggle/Rex: It's the chicken man! *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: That's our guy! *Big Bird/Hamm: I knew there was somethin' I didn't like about that chicken. *Bert/Woody: I don't have a choice, Ernie. This is my only chance. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: To do what? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life. *Bert/Woody: Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Muppets at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Grover's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay. *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: I may not be a smart Snuffleupagus, but I know what roadkill is. *Minnie Mouse/Tour Guide Barbie: And this is the Ernie aisle. Back in 1969, short-sighted retailers did not order enough dolls to meet demand. *The Goatman/Stinky Pete the Prospector: How long will it last, Bert? Do you really think Christopher Robin is going to take you to college, or on his honeymoon? Christopher Robin's growing up, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's your choice, Bert. You can go back, or you can stay with us and last forever. You'll be adored by children for generations. *Bert/Woody: Who am I to break up the Roundup Gang? *Grundgetta/Mrs. Potato Head: I'm packing your extra pair of shoes, and your angry eyes just in case. *Stella/Jessie: You never forget kids like Tinker Bell, or Christopher Robin, but they forget you. *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Go back, go back, you missed it! *Big Bird/Hamm: Too late, I'm in the 40's, gotta go around the horn! *Prairie Dawn/Bo Peep: You're cute when you care. *Bert/Woody: Prairie Dawn. Not in front of Ernie. *Prairie Dawn/Bo Peep: This is for Bert, when you find him. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: cough Um, okay, but it won't be the same coming from me. *Boober Fraggle/Rex: What happened? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Bert's been shelved! *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Don't worry, Bert. In just a few hours you'll be sitting around a campfire with Christopher Robin making delicious hot Schmoes. *Bert/Woody: They're called "S'mores", Ernie. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Yes, yes. Of course. *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Hey! Wait up! *Minnie Mouse/Tour Guide Barbie: Remain seated, please! *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: I found it. *Bert/Woody: You found my hat? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Your hat? No. The missus lost her earring. Oh my little sweet Grundgetta! *Grundgetta/Mrs. Potato Head: You found it! Oh, it's so nice to have a big, strong grouch around the house. *Grundgetta/Mrs. Potato Head: Ooh *Big Bird/Hamm: Excuse me, ladies, but could any of you tell us where we might the Abis Mal of Abis Mal's Muppet Barn? *Minnie Mouse/Tour Guide Barbie: I can help! *Minnie Mouse/Tour Guide Barbie: I'm Tour Guide Minnie Mouse! Please keep your hands, arms, and accessories in the car, and no flash photography. Thank you. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: I'm a married grouch, I'm a married grouch... *Big Bird/Hamm: Then make way for the single fellas. *Bert/Woody: Oh, you should have seen it. There was a record player. And a yo-yo. Ernie, I was a yo-yo! *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: WAS? *Bert/Woody: Hey, w-wait, What happened? What happens next? Come on, let's see the next episode! *The Goatman/Stinky Pete the Prospector: That's it. *Bert/Woody: What? *The Goatman/Stinky Pete the Prospector: The show was cancelled after that. *Bert/Woody: Wait, wait, wait. What about the bottlecap collection and... and the cute little pigeons and the oatmeal sponsors? That was a great show! I mean, why cancel it? *The Goatman/Stinky Pete the Prospector: Two words: Rubber duckie. Once the rubber duckies were very popular, children only wanted to play with bath Muppets. *Bert/Woody: I know how that feels. *Big Bird/Hamm: All right, let's review this one more time. At precisely 8:32-ish, Exhibit A, Bert, was kidnapped. *Big Bird/Hamm: Exhibit B, a composide sketch of the kidnapper. *Prairie Dawn/Bo Peep: He didn't have a beard like that. *Big Bird/Hamm: Fine. Uh, Double D, give him a shave. *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: The kidnapper was bigger than that. *Big Bird/Hamm: Oh, picky, picky, picky. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Oh, let's just go straight to Exhibit F! The kidnapper's vehicle. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Now the vehicle fled the scene in this direction. *Big Bird/Hamm: Oh, your parts are in backwards! It went the other way! *Big Bird/Hamm: Hey, put a cork in it! *Boober Fraggle/Rex: Hey, how do you spell F-B-I? *Oscar the Grounch/Mr. Potato Head: My crime scene! *Boober Fraggle/Rex: I didn't know this was a crime scene! *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Excuse me, excuse me, a little quiet please! Thank you. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Good work, men. Two blocks down and only nineteen more to go. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: What? *Boober Fraggle/Rex, Big Bird/Hamm, Snuffy/Slinky Dog: Nineteen? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: Come on, fellas. Did Bert give up when Human Chip had me strapped to a rocket? *Boober Fraggle/Rex, Big Bird/Hamm, Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head, Snuffy/Slinky Dog: No. *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: No. And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van? *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Oh, you had to bring that up! *Ernie/Buzz Lightyear: No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we're not going to rest until he's safe in Christopher Robin's room! Now, let's move out! *Bert/Woody: Hello? *Uncle Max/Chatter Telephone: You shouldn't have come back cowboy. They've cracked down hard since you left. More guards, more patrols, you and your friends ain't ever getting out of here now. *Bert/Woody: I made it out once. *Uncle Max/Chatter Telephone: You got LUCKY once. Want my advice? Keep your heads down, you'll survive. *Bert/Woody: Yeah, for how long? *Uncle Max/Chatter Telephone: I've been here years, they'll never break me. There's only one way Muppets leave this place. *Both Uncle Max/Chatter Telephone: Poor fella. Trash truck comes at dawn, then it's off to the dump. *Bert/Woody: Look, I appreciate your concern old-timer, but we have a kid waiting for us. Now, we're leaving. If you'd help us, one Muppet to another, I'd sure be grateful. *Uncle Max/Chatter Telephone: Well... if you're gonna get out, first things you're gonna get through is the doors. Locked every night, inside and out, keys are left on a hook in the office. *Bert/Woody: Got it. What else? *Uncle Max/Chatter Telephone: The Grinch has trucks patrolling all night long. Hallway, lobby, playground... *Bert/Woody: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what about the wall? *Uncle Max/Chatter Telephone: Eight feet high; cinder block; No way through it. You go over, or under. *Bert/Woody: That's it? It doesn't seem so bad. *Uncle Max/Chatter Telephone: It's not. Your REAL problem's Sir Hiss. Sir Hiss's the eye in the sky. He sees everything... classrooms, hallways, even the playground. You can unlock doors, sneak past guards, climb the wall, but if you don't take out that snake you ain't going nowhere. You want to get out of here... GET RID OF THAT SNAKE! *Grundgetta/Mrs. Potato Head: You saved our lives! *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: And *we* are eternally grateful! *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: My boys! *Bugs Bunny, Pebbles Flintstone and Bamm-Bamm Rubble/Aliens: Daaaaaady! *Big Bird/Hamm the Piggy Bank: Hey, where's that fur-ball Grinch? *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: Yeah, I'd like to loosen his stitching. *Bert/Woody: Forget it, guys. He's not worth it. *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Remember all that bad stuff I said about Christopher Robin's attic? I take it all back. *Snuffy/Slinky Dog: Ya darn-tootin' *Big Bird/Hamm the Piggy Bank: You said it! *Bert/Woody: Hey, if any of you get to Disney Parks, you tell 'em Bert made it home. *Clarabelle Cow/Dolly: You came from Disney Parks? *Nazz/Trixie: But how'd you escape? *Bert/Woody: Well, it wasn't easy. I... What do you mean "escape"? *Fozzie Bear/Mr. Pricklepants: Disney Parks is a place of ruin and despair, ruled by an evil green guy who impersonated Santa Claus. *Bert/Woody: Wh...? The Grinch? *Horace Horsecollar/Buttercup: The guy may seem green on the outside, but inside, he's a monster! *Bert/Woody: But, how'd you know that? *Fozzie Bear/Mr. Pricklepants: Grumpy he'll tell you. *Grumpy/Chuckles: Yeah, I knew The Grinch. He was a good character. A friend. Me and him, we had the same kid: Martha May Whovier. I was there when the Grinch got unwrapped. Martha May Whovier loved us all. But the Grinch... the Grinch was special. They did everything together. Never seen a kid and character more in love. One day we took a drive, hit a rest stop, had a little playtime. After lunch, Martha May Whovier fell asleep. She never came back. The Grinch wouldn't give up. It took forever, but we finally made it back to Martha May Whovier's. But by then, it was too late. Something changed that day inside the Grinch. Something snapped. *The Grinch/Lotso: She replaced us! Come on! *Grumpy/Chuckles: No, she didn't replace you! *The Grinch/Lotso: SHE REPLACED ALL OF US, DIDN'T SHE? She don't love you no more! NOW COME ON! *Grumpy/Chuckles: We were lost, cast-off, unloved, unwanted. Then we found Disney Parks. But the Grinch wasn't my friend anymore. He wasn't anyone's friend. He took over Disney Parks and rigged the whole system. *Bert/Woody: So, how'd you get out? *Grumpy/Chuckles: I got broke. Jane found me, took me home. Other characters... they weren't so lucky. It ain't right what the Grinch done. New characters... they don't stand a chance. *Mickey Mouse/Ken Carson: Everyone, listen! Disney Parks can be real cool and groovy if we just treat each other fair. It's the Grinch! He turns us into a pyramid and he put himself on top! *The Grinch/Lotso: Anyone concur with Mickey? *The Grinch/Lotso: I didn't throw you away. Your kid did. Ain't one kid ever loved a Muppet, really. Chew on that when you're at the dump. *Bert/Woody: Wait. What about Mary May Whovier? *The Grinch/Lotso: I don't know what you're talking about. *Bert/Woody: Mary May Whovier? You used to do everything with her? *The Grinch/Lotso: Yeah, then she threw us out. *Bert/Woody: No, she lost you. *The Grinch/Lotso: She *replaced* us! *Bert/Woody: She replaced *you*, and if you couldn't have her, then no one could! You lied to Jimmy and you've been lying ever since! *The Grinch/Lotso: Where'd you get that? *Bert/Woody: She loved you, Grinch. *The Grinch/Lotso: She never *loved* me! *Bert/Woody: As much as any kid ever loved a character. *Jimmy/Big Baby: Mama. *The Grinch/Lotso: What? You want your mommy back? She never loved you Don't be such a BABY! *The Grinch/Lotso: Push 'em in! All of them! *The Grinch/Lotso: This is what happens when you dummies try to think! WE'RE ALL JUST TRASH WAITIN' TO BE THROWN AWAY! THAT'S ALL A CHARACTER IS! *The Grinch/Lotso: Hey, stop it! Put me down, you idiot! *The Grinch/Lotso: AAAAH! No! No, wait a minute, Jimmy! Wait! *Boober Fraggle/Rex: He's gone! *Oscar the Grouch/Mr. Potato Head: Holy cow. Category:Movies-spoof Category:LegalizeAnytingMuppets Category:Toy Story Movies Category:Toy Story Parody Movies